Just When You Think You’ve Got It Figured Out––

––you attempt to walk to the bus stop and find you have to stop halfway so you can puke.

I’m lucky I’m married to a man I can’t embarrass.

I was trying to get to an appointment yesterday morning and I really thought I could do it. But I’m in the second half of treatment now and the side effects are getting a bit more intense. The V is bigger, the angle is steeper, and there are a few more bad days at the nadir than before. 

So what was my first thought? That anyone seeing me would think I’d been drinking at 10:00 a.m. Like that’s my biggest worry––what will the neighbours say? Old reflexes die hard, I guess.

We managed to get to a different, closer bus shelter on the way, so it wasn’t like I was right out in the middle of the sidewalk where I could gross out the general public. Chris held onto me, reassuring me until I felt steady enough to get back to the house, which was maybe all of a block away. 

Pretty dismaying but that’s how it is. Sometimes you’re doing the mambo with your IV pole and other times you’re puking at bus stops. Since then I’ve been okay but I haven’t attempted anything more ambitious than going from one room to another.

Next week is round five out of six total. We’re nearing the home stretch. It’s okay. Every so often I take out the latest progress report letter from the oncologist and look at what it says about how I’ve been responding to chemo. It’s good news all the way through––the cancer cells are dying off and there’s some other reading that has been reduced to a third of what it was before I started chemo. 

And so what if I puke a little, even in public? I’m getting there. I’m getting there. I’m getting there!


16 thoughts on “Just When You Think You’ve Got It Figured Out––

  1. Have you ever heard of the Spoon Theory? It was written to apply to chronical illness but I think it very much also applies to being on chemo. I guess today is a low-spoons day. Wish I could share some of mine but I seem to be on a slight spoon-deficit myself at the moment. Fingers crossed for more spoons soon as you come out of the V – and yay for numbers dropping and cancer cells dying! And there are worse things than puking in public. 🙂

    • Oh, gosh, yes. I love the Spoon Theory, it’s brilliant because it applies to just about anyone. No matter how energetic we may feel, we all have a limited number of spoons.

      Yeah, there *are* worse things than puking in public. It’s just rather alarming when it happens.

  2. Feeling nauseated is tiring and quite frightening too… But you are fighting and winning Pat, I’m boosted everytime I read your posts 😀 Lots of ❤ to settle your fluttery stomach.

  3. As a person with a sensitive stomach I have real sympathy for you here. On the other hand, dying cancer cells! Woo fucking hoo!

  4. You are magnificent, and I am rooting for you every step of the way, puke or no puke, dance or no dance. You are YOU, My Dear, and I simply adore you. Hope you feel my love all the way from Kansas.

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