A Small Meditation On The Life Hairless

When you lose your eyelashes, you often wake up with your eyelids partially glued together and it’s hard to clear the gunk out. For me, it takes about an hour before I can see anything properly.

Commercials for Veet and other bodyhair removal systems become hilarious. Seriously. It’s hard to watch a vivacious young woman yanking her leg-hair out by the roots with a wax rectangle and the expression of someone solving a quadratic equation and not burst out laughing. The only thing funnier is the commercial where the woman asks her boyfriend what he thinks is the sexiest part of her body and he chooses her armpits because they’re so smooth and denuded. And this is after she has run through a variety of poses highlighting her other body parts, including one where she clutches her buttocks like a couple of spongy balls.

If I were seeing someone who thought the sexiest thing about me were my armpits, I’d rethink our relationship. Fast. Who comes up with this shite?

Shampoo commercials always suck me right in. I keep forgetting I don’t have anything to use shampoo on although I do have a list of stuff I want to try later. It’s the hairspray ads that seem surreal, Elnett in particular. Elnett demonstrates its holding power by fixing their models’ hair in the most unflattering, retro hairdos posible. Really––when was the last time you saw a woman under twenty-five wearing a six-inch bouffant looking like a battleship atop her head? Gundam coiffure. Elnett manages to make a beautiful young woman with gorgeous hair look awful. But hey, that bouffant battleship wouldn’t move in a wind-tunnel and that’s really the point, so it’s all good, right?

Girlfriend, wash your hair and let it dry while you run around on the beach. And if you’ve got a boyfriend or a girlfriend obsessed with how smooth your underarms are, snap out of it! Life’s too short. Spend less time depilating and more time eating––maybe one of those double-espresso Magnum ice cream bars, they’re really good.

Just sayin’.


3 thoughts on “A Small Meditation On The Life Hairless

  1. What surprised me about losing my hair, was losing the hair I hadn’t even thought about. No nostril hair meant no bogeys! And my face felt so smooth without it’s covering of teeny tiny hairs.
    My eyes didn’t get too gunky, but they did water all the time, so I was walking around in a perpetual blur.

    It’s all come back now and the hair on my head is just about long enough to run my fingers through it, but my scalp still itches from the growth.

  2. I feel your pain, Jools!

    I’ve lost the hairs inside my ears that help with balance, so changing position can be an adventuree––I walk with a cane now just in case. Though I am considering going down to my beauty salon and having them fit me with a modest set of false eyelashes so I can keep dust motes out of my eyes. That was one thing I forgot to mention in my post––the usefulness of eyelashes!

    Congratulations on your regrowth! It’s still too early for me but I keep checking anyway. And every so often, I actually forget I’m bald; then I catch sight of my reflection and it’s a bit of a shock.

    Funny thing: I’d always thought losing my hair would be traumatic. But when it happened, it was like, meh.

    • I know what you mean. When mine started to come out, I took the clippers to it and cut it really short. A tear did fall while doing it, but after that I was ok with it.
      The only problem with cutting it so short was that when it came out, it stuck to my clothes and itched my neck. Think I might leave it longer next time (as in length of hair) to avoid the itches.
      I did buy some false eyelashes, but could never be bothered to put them on!

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