Good News For The Holiday Season

The tumour markers in my blood have fallen again. Not as dramatically as last time—only a little—but they’re still falling. The hormones are doing their job.

The doctor I saw this morning told me that eventually the tumour marker readings level off, which may be why the decrease was so little this time. 

Still, in my head I keep bargaining. If I get to the gym at least four times a week; if I always eat healthy and lose weight; if I get enough sleep every night; if…if…if…then can I please not have incurable cancer?

And that’s what I’m going to call it for now—not terminal, but incurable.

I have habitually called it terminal. It’s not that I want to regress to denial about my situation. Despite my good blood readings today, I know there’s no guarantee they’ll stay that way.

But dammit, I’m not dying. Not right now, not in this moment. Therefore I’ve got no business saying I am.

There are lots of incurable but treatable conditions, from type 1 diabetes to Parkinson’s. People live with them. I’ll be living with mine till further notice.

(Hear that, cancer? You are most definitely my bitch.)


14 thoughts on “Good News For The Holiday Season

    • My thoughts exactly––YES! Although, as I told Terry Boren, when I got up this morning, i made sure it wasn’t just a wishful-thinking dream.

      YES is definitely the word.

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