Hi, I’m Not Dead Yet––Hahahahaha, Suck It, Mortality!

I’ve been studying up on quantum physics for the book I’m writing. I mean the hard science quantum physics, not the woo-woo-harness-the-power-of-the-multiverse claptrap that inevitably shows up when you search for genuine physics. Anyway, if there’s one word you could use to sum up the universe––there isn’t, actually, but if there were––that word would be indeterminate. It seems many physicists of the last hundred years or so have had a lot of trouble getting their minds around indeterminacy. Which is something I can’t get my mind around. I mean, considering how life turns on a dime (and could give you a nickel change but never does), I’d have thought scientists would intuit life is probabilities of the possible and non-locality would go without saying. But that’s just me, I guess.

I grew up hoping for things, and working hard for what I wanted, but never counting on anything. I always had Plan B through N in my back pocket and outlines for Plan O through Z in my other back pocket (Q, X, and Z were hilarious).

But that’s the thing: circumstance can land you in a state where plans aren’t an option; they aren’t even real. You get what you get and the only options are how you react to it, how you’re going to work around it, and how your priorities shake out.

Which is the long way of saying, I’m glad to be alive but I can’t help being a little nervous. I have now exceeded the original estimate of the time I had left. I’m not in any way surprised as it’s been obvious for a year that I would. And I still can’t help being a little nervous because, as the kids say, sh!t just got real. I knew I was going to do this. I never believed I was going to do anything else. But it’s no longer something in the future; now it’s put up or shut up: You’re on, kid––careful you don’t trip on your super-hero cape as you make your entrance.

Every day is still going to be a party. Every day is Anything-Can-Happen Day until further notice. Of course, every day is Anything-Can-Happen Day for everyone, not just me. Indeterminacy Are Us. But certain probabilities are a little higher for me and it’s the sort of thing that I can’t help being aware of, sometimes more so than other times.

It’s not going to spoil the daily party. I’ve spent a good part of my life confounding the odds so this is nothing new. 2017 starts with my buying green bananas for a whole month longer than last year, which in terms of my personal probabilities bodes very well.

And I still can’t help being a little nervous. Maybe that’s as it should be. When you feel good, you shouldn’t waste time feeling bad. But being a little nervous can keep you mindful, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Happy New Year.


14 thoughts on “Hi, I’m Not Dead Yet––Hahahahaha, Suck It, Mortality!

  1. Pingback: Pixel Scroll 1/1/17 The Early Scroll Catches The Pixel | File 770

  2. @Cadigan hi pat! greetings were sent / received, and everyone was happy. very glad my partner’s feedback brightened up your 2016 too. 🙂 so i was thinking, if any of your publishers ever want a literary translation into Hungarian, i think there’s no person that i can think of better qualified than she is.
    since becoming the youngest officially published person in Hungary at the age of 14, by 27 the pub list of her academic & popular essays and fiction (poetry / short prose) is about 10 pages long, she’s relatively well known in local literary (& publisher / editor) circles, is mega-into cyberpunk, etc.
    anyway i just mentioned to her that maybe i’ll give you a shout since there’s literally (ha!) no better person i think to do a translation into Hungarian and I know for a fact (cuz I asked, heh) that this is something she’d really enjoy doing.
    she works / writes in Hungarian mostly, but here’s the ENG version of her bio: http://www.doragabriella.com/index.php/en/bio_en/
    so if any of your publishers or agents are interested, give me a shout back, or better yet just ask them and / or drop her a line yourself if you want to doragabriella@gmail.com ; cheers. 🙂

      • Cool. She just finished an edit of Richard Kadrey’s “The Everything Box” but all the time was saying how much she would love to *specifically* translate / work on Sinners which she apparently loved (and I am yet to read!). Best of everything! Cheers!

  3. My dearest Pat!
    I am daily delighted by your glorious ability to continue to outlive the predictions of the “Experts” and set new records. You have indeed made cancer your biyatch and I’m so pleased. I’ve managed to outlive mine by 23+ yeasts and every day is a gift. 😻
    Keep it up, Lady! You’re one of my favourite pepper and I’m so happy having you around.

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