Well, the oncologist told me that fatigue is one of the side effects of the hormones. Considering the hormones seem to be extending my life, possibly saving it outright, it seems churlish to complain.
Yeah, that’s me: Churlish Cadigan, scourge of the sofa. When I can stay awake, that is. Not that I’m necessarily asleep, though. Often I’m in a state where, uh…um… … … … … … Uh, was I saying something?
I haven’t talked about it much because I thought it would pass with April. The transition between seasons, especially when there’s a time-change involved, gets a little more difficult every year. This year, I’m still jet-lagged even as we near the end of May and look toward the longest day of the year coming up in June.
And I have no energy at all. None whatsoever. Whatever it is, if I can’t do it sitting down, it’s not getting done. Not by me, anyway.
I’ve been telling myself I’m feeling the side effects from the hormones so strongly because there isn’t a whole lot of cancer left for them to kick around. That makes perfect sense to me. I can stand anything that stomps those rotten cancer cells. Night sweats? No big deal for a badass like me. I can even ride out the anxiety attacks, which, as anxiety attacks go, are pretty mild. Knowing the disturbances in mood are also hormone side effects gives me an edge in coping (I didn’t have them before I started taking hormones and the oncologist agrees it’s another side effect).
My next check-up is at the end of the June. I would like to become more mobile between now and then. I wanted living with cancer to have more bouncing around, more socialising, more occasions to put on my technicolor Doc Martens, strut out the door, and fck sh!t up.
I keep trying to punch my way out of this fatigue bubble because I know that eventually I’ll hit a weak spot. I always do. Then it’ll be a party!
Maybe after I finish staring at nothing. I mean, nothing’s going to stare at itself, right?
Ceci N'est Pas Une Blog 
[GOT innuendo] This girl is gonna become, o, so energy-packed once the hormones are done with their fine tuning, she’s gonna ride dragons wearing technicolor Doc Martens ! After all, summer is coming… ❤ Meanwhile, you could perhaps receive some energetic massages ? Let others hug and rub some sparks into you.
A friend suggested that it might be a good idea to have a blood test. I agree.
for five years i deliberately stared at nothing! now i have trouble coming back out of nirvana!
This feels too dull for nirvana.
Reblogged this on pauldaleanderson and commented:
A brave and determined woman can win any battle.
Or sit and stare at it till it blinks. 😉
Hang in there! I think about you every day (and check your blog, too). You’re my heroine! Or hero, whichever you prefer.
Great minds think alike. Another friend suggested the same thing. She’s a veterinarian–’only a horse doctor,’ she said. But a doctor is a doctor, and she’s more doctor than I am. I’ll be calling the doctor today.
Thank you, Terry. I appreciate your good words. And you’re very kind.
I don’t know why my reply to Georgiana has appeared under your reply. I suspect it’s because I’ve clicked on the wrong thing again. Software baffles me, especially web pages, and I’m a little on the dull side right now. Apologies all round.
No worries, I do that all the time. And I’m glad you’re checking in with your doctor. I finally broke down and called mine to try some antidepressant, I’d come to a complete standstill & got stuck there for several months. No interest in anything. The Rx is helping, albeit very subtly and I still have to lift the boulder several times a day to keep going – but at least now I *want* to lift it. Do take care of yourself.
You hang in there, too, honey. I know that story.
Weren’t you anemic last year? Have you checked for that?
Btw my son Cameron says you should have named the new cat Cat Padigan 🙂
Thanks, Georgiana. If you’ll scroll up and look under Terry Hickman’s reply, you’ll see my reply to your reply. (Spoiler alert: you’re right, I’m calling the doctor.) I don’t know why it’s up there and not down here; I’ve clicked on the wrong thing again.
The late Parke Godwin used to call me ‘Padigan’. I called him ‘Winsome.’ Cat Padigan is a pretty good name for a cat. I hope we meet one by that name someday. 😉
Padigan is a fun name suitable for a jolly cat.
One last medical thought : you can have iron deficiency anemia while still havin plenty of red blood cells. This is not a usual test so you may want to bring it up with your doctor. I have 2 or 3 iron infusions and always feel much better after.
I hope you feel spunky and bouncy soon.
Thanks so much for the tip! Until I had chemo, I’d never been anaemic in my life so I don’t know much about it. It’s good to have friends who can offer suggestions!
Awww, shoot. If I were there, I’d tickle you. Then hug you. Then tickle you some more.
You always tickle me, Twinlet!